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Feb. 15-18, Portland
Feb. 14-18, Indianapolis

For those of you who want to WIN AT BEING AT A LAN PARTY: February 15-18 at PDXLan 11 in Portland, we're giving out enough Brawndo to reverse the world's spin like in Superman III (and that's just one can). That's right, we should have enough for everybody, so all you need to bring is your thirst, and an EXTRA PAIR OF PANTS BECAUSE BRAWNDO WILL WRECK YOUR PANTS. For more information go to: PDXLan.net

Get your hands on some free Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator. It all starts February 14-18 at the Indianapolis Indiana RCA Dome. 65,000 other people will attend, and there are over 10,000 exhibitors, so if you happen to have wrecked your jetski jumping an iron gate, or if you're just thirsty, come and try Brawndo at booth 1701. For more information go to: DealerExpo.com

Brawndo is a featured beverage at BeverageWorld! That's not even any kind of fabrication! If the can fits, you must submit! Exclamation Points!

This clip is basically the equivalent of growing an extra pair of balls on your balls. So, if that's not what you're hankerin' for, be warned that it already started after you read the headline.

A lot of people have been asking for it, so we put together a whole page of its own where you guys can make and share COMPLETELY AWESOME pictures and videos and crap. Oh, and we're giving away expensive free stuff, too.

Apparently, through the magic of modern science, cheeseburgers are now available in a can. The benefits of aluminum cans on flavorful goodness are quite well documented. As an example, Brawndo comes in a can, and it's quite tasty. So, through the transitive property, we can deduce that the cheeseburger that comes in a can is also tasty. That's mathematics.

John Pavlus took one for the team, and downed a whole can of Brawndo in one sitting. And videotaped it. His tongue turned green. He gets bonus points for being a fan of "El Chupacabra", which is the most terrifying goat-related monster ever. But in the grand scheme of things, as far as monsters are concerned, Brawndo is probably best at warding off the unnamed monster from planet M-113. It's got what shapeshifting vampire space monsters crave. Electrolytes.

Brawndo was thorougly enjoyed over at PC Gamer: they described Brawndo as an "energy tonic" with the "power of goodness and science", then proceeded to NINJA ALL OVER THE OFFICE for the rest of the day. They have pictures.

We also mutilated the reviewers over at Xbox magazine, which is the magazine for afficionados of Xboxes and/or Xboxing. I'm a huge fan of Xboxing, and of regular boxing, or pretty much any sport involving Mike Tyson chewing some guy's face off. If that hasn't already come out as a game on the XBOX, then it should. You know, bring things full circle, like they talked about in that movie "The Lion King".

Brawndo was in the Toronto Star this weekend. They described it as "defictionalization", which I'm pretty sure is the scientific process by which plants turn sunlight into Skittles candy.

Also, Trendinista has a review up. Brawndo usually goes best with some sort of severed animal leg, but it looks like they've been drinking Brawndo + vodka which works too. Add some Lemon or Lime juice and you have yourself a BRAWNDOZER.

For all of you who were interested in a real live video taste test of BRAWNDO THE THIRST MUTILATOR, you can check that out here. As you can see, the drink practically glows in the dark. and it's not even dark.


However you slice it, 8/10 is a good score, even if you're not good at slicing. By the way, if you're not good at slicing, BRAWNDO WILL MAKE YOU GOOD AT SLICING. ALSO, DE-ICING AIRPORT RUNWAYS

And I quote: "Admit it: You've always wanted to crush a human skull with your bare hands. This week, you won't need to. You can simply taste how that would feel thanks to Brawndo"

See that? How often do you see discussion of HORRIFYING, GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE in an article about a beverage? When they're talking about Brawndo you do. Because Brawndo is HORRIFYING, GRATUITOUS VIOLENCE. IN A CAN.

With a record of 16-0, the Patriots are mutilating the competition. It is no coincidence that New England is currently Brawndo's largest market. Think about it.

Our guys out in Massachusetts have Brawndo in stock! Check out the list of stores in Massachusetts that have it available. For the rest of the country that's still drinking out of the toilet, we'll rescue you soon!

BevNet says "Overall, it's a nice tasting drink with a decent amount of kick. But really, this is what plants crave -- "not water, like from the toilet" -- and it's the Brawndo name that's going to make this stuff sell. It certainly has some novelty value to it, but it also seems different enough to make a real push, assuming Redux is up for it. Definitely worth a shot."

Wired has a lot of talking:
"I got a package. It came in the mail. The package had stuff in it. I opened the package that came in the mail and there was a piece of paper. The piece of paper had words. I hate words. I like TV. I like to watch the Violence Channel. I like to watch "Ow, My Balls!" on the Violence Channel. "Ow, My Balls!" is brought to you by Carl's Jr. TV is good because there aren't many words."

We would have highlighted the part where they said drinking BRAWNDO was like SHAVING YOUR CHEST WITH A LAWNMOWER, but they didn't say that, so we'll just assume it was IMPLIED

And the only reason it made the "best" list, is because they don't have a "most best" list yet, because if they added that, Brawndo would WIN IN EVERY CATEGORY

Brawndo was reviewed in The Onion! It was LOVINGLY DESCRIBED as "an energy drink". Also, they included a whole bunch more other words! FANTASTIC

The Energy Drink Review is a place where you can read reviews of energy drinks! collected into one place! It's usually a bunch of smart talk, but this time they talk about Brawndo! And here's another review! And another! I AM RUNNING OUT OF EXCLAMATION POINTS

I'm sure you guys caught tonight's episode of Attack of the Show-- Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator was Mutilating their thirst. Also, one of them HUMPED A TRUCK.

Water is for toilets; Brawndo is for drinking. And plants.

Described as "The world's best and only beverage, the one that mutilates your thirst, and is so awesome that we even use it for irrigation". And we totally DID NOT EVEN take that quote out of context! Really! Not Really!

So this weekend was completely massive. We got coverage from Slashdot, FARK, tons of other blogs (including Scientific American!), and a number of major publications (to be revealed later) sent in requests for drink samples. 

We'd also like to give a huge shout-out to our partners-in-crime, the guys over at picnicface, for being completely awesome.

Brawndo: The Thirst Mutilator is an officially licensed product. It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes. On Sale Now.
Idiocracy tm & (c) 2007 Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. All rights reserved.
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